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The giant Elvis sign on the outside should have been the first clue that something was wrong. The chapel was awful. It was totally garish and everything was over the top. The pepto bismo pink walls had me cringing.
“This place is great,” Rissa laughed and I looked at her confused.
“Uh, princess? Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”
“Yeah, it’s completely hideous. It’s great.” She giggled and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her.
“It is completely hideous.” I said looking around at all the pink. That was the only way to describe it. The 1970s track lighting didn’t do it any favors. The pink shag carpeting just sealed the deal. It looked like a Mary Kay spokeswoman decorated the entire place.
There was a couple ahead of us and I was sure they were both heavily intoxicated because they were half asleep sitting on a bench leaning on each other.
I chuckled to myself when the little old lady with coke bottle glasses, and hair so gray it looked purple, came out and called their names three times before she walked over to them and smacked the guy across the knee with her cane, hard.
“Ow, what?” He looked around before waking his companion. They stumbled into the chapel and heavy organ music started playing.
I shook my head in defeat. Well if I had the weirdest bucket list on the planet this would be at the top and I could check that shit off right now.
“Welcome to Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel. How can I help you?” A smoke roughened voice asked.
I looked down at the woman, but before I could get a word out Rissa bounced over.
“We wanna get married.” She giggled.
“I kind of figured that dear. It is what we do here.” The old woman smiled at her.
She hefted out a huge binder and began flipping through to the “Last minute” section. It was literally labeled that and I had to suppress a chuckle. It should really have been the drunk and irresponsible section, but I doubt it would have fit on the little tab on the side.
“Do you want pictures?” The woman asked.
“Of course,” we said at the same time and laughed.
“We can have digital prints done in an hour for a fee.” The woman said and I nodded.
We hammered out the rest of the details and waited. It wasn’t long before the woman called us back and I got a good look at the chapel itself. I did my best to control my laughter but it just wouldn’t stop. The curtains and all the decorations were a deep royal purple. It looked like a Barbie dream house threw up in there and the entire place clashed.
What really got me laughing though, was the wrinkled old man in the black wig decked out like the oldest Elvis impersonator of all time. Rissa looked over at me with wide eyes and burst into a fit of laughter herself.
I don’t know what I had been expecting, but the purple and gold wall hangings and the little old man with enough bling on his suit to moonlight as a disco ball on 70’s night at the club had not been it. Rissa was gasping for breath as she laughed with her whole body and I couldn’t believe we were doing that there.
We were there though and it was what we both wanted so we continued down the aisle and when we finally quit laughing Elvis began the ceremony.
“Uh-huh thank you very much,” he rasped in his best imitation of Elvis. I saw the little old woman taking pictures all around us and she rolled her eyes. I nearly lost it again but when I looked over at Rissa she had a beautiful smile on her face and all thoughts of laughter left. She looked truly happy and I didn’t want to do anything to ruin it.
We made it through the vows without so much as a giggle and when it came time for the rings I pulled out the diamond and she gasped, shaking her head.
“Cole, I told you to get the other one,” she whispered looking conflicted.
“I saw you looking at this one so I got it. I knew you wanted this one,” I replied softly and she smiled.
“Okay,” she sighed and we finished the ceremony.
I never felt better than when the little old Elvis told me to kiss the bride. It was the perfect wedding and even with the horrible décor and cheesy Elvis impersonator it was the perfect end to our crazy night.
“You know what? I have the right to be a little crazy if I want to. My mom has been married five times and none of those marriages were any good. Why not marry a complete stranger on a whim?” She smiled victoriously and I grabbed her hand and drug her to the elevator before she could change her mind.